Stepping Out: Volume 2, Number 6

"James assumes that we will have trials and that is possible to profit from them. The point is not to pretend to be happy when we face pain, but to have a positive outlook." - James 1:2

Welcome. Each month we feature practical information that you can use in your life and family. Please feel free to contact us with feedback, questions or comments at 1-888-5INSTEP or info@instepministries.com.

In This Issue

1) A Stepfamily Moment - "Healing Painful Stepfamily Memories"
2) A Singles Moment - "Self Respect"
3) A Single Parent Moment - "Worry"

A Stepfamily Moment

Healing Painful Stepfamily Memories

We sat in our stepfamily support group listening to a stepmother describe how difficult it had been to have a relationship with her stepdaughter. Regardless of all the household chores, carpooling and laundry she had done for her stepdaughter, not to mention her daily attempts to have a meaningful conversation, she felt like nothing she did was good enough or appreciated. "If being a parent is a thankless job," she stated, "then being a step-mom is an endlessly exasperating job!" She concluded, "I don't know which is worse-to be constantly ignored or criticized for everything I do and say."

Unfortunately, most step-moms will identify with her description because they too have experienced this seemingly no/win situation. As mothers, we expect that our love and good deeds will be received and appreciated. When this is not the case, even the most saintly step-mom will struggle with the resulting negative emotions. When a step-mom has to endure a strained relationship with a stepchild for an extended time period, it can leave her feeling angry and depressed. What then, is the alternative?

Contained in every promise God makes to you, is the power to fulfill it. Paul chose to forget, and so can you. In Philippians 3:13 he states, "but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what is ahead." In Isaiah 43:18-19, God says, "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder the things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?" If you are focusing on the past sins, you will miss the "new" that God has for you each day. God can bring order out of your chaos and beauty out of your ashes. Submit yourself and your stepfamily relationships to God, and ask him to heal the painful memories. The healing will not be instant or easy because growing, stretching and forgiving never is. You may also benefit from counseling to help process your feelings.

The bottom line is that God stands ready to heal you, and His grace is greater than your past or present difficulties. Your stepdaughter may never learn to like you, but God's guidance will enable you to love her and to be your best for her. So, come to Him, the source of eternal love and peace.

A Singles Moment

Self Respect

If we do not fully respect ourselves, we cannot truly love ourselves, and so we will seek love from others to fill the void. Unfortunately, no matter how hard we try to find that love, it never really fills the void and worse, it makes us dependent on others for our sense of self-worth. The less we respect ourselves, the poorer our relational choices will be, leading to a number of negative emotional outcomes- anger, shame, resentment, fear, etc. The beginning of healthy self-respect is to start making good choices—God wrote a book on the subject.

A Single Parent Moment

Worry

A single parent faces many daily challenges that can easily translate into worry. Are you wrestling with fear and worry? Take your worries to God; He cares and profoundly understands. Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Life is not a spectator sport; we were created to be in relationship with one another. We need each other. Guilt and shame are paralyzing emotions. God may want to fulfill His promise through others. Journal your worries and date them. In time, His faithfulness will become evident to you and your family.

Contact InStep Ministries

phone: 520-721-0800 or 1-888-5INSTEP
email: info@instepministries.com

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