Stepping Up: Volume 2 Number 7

Welcome. Each month we feature practical information that you can use in your life and family. Please feel free to contact us with feedback, questions or comments via phone: 1-888-5INSTEP (toll free) or email: info@instepministries.com.

In This Issue

1) A Personal Moment
2) A Stepfamily Moment - "Healing in Stepfamily Relationships"
3) A Singles Moment - "Solitude"
4) A Single Parent Moment - "Simplify Your Life"

A Personal Moment

Judi and I want to express our thanks to all of you for your prayers and support. We have been truly blessed by those we have been honored to serve and those who have walked with us. A huge thanks to our Board of Directors.

A Stepfamily Moment

Healing in Stepfamily Relationships

Developing relationships between stepparents and stepchildren, as well as with extended stepfamily members, is one of the greatest challenges in stepfamily life. Often, despite our best intentions, we may hurt a family member or end up being hurt. When this occurs, seeking forgiveness is the first course of action. But what happens when the same person continues to hurt our feelings? How are we to pursue healing when negative emotions predominate our thinking?

People say, "Time heals,” but this is not really true if it means that we forget or deny the wounds inflicted on us and live on as if nothing happened. That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality. Henri Nouwen suggests that when the expression "time heals" means, faithfulness in a difficult relationship leads us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it. "Time heals" implies not passively waiting but actively owning and working through our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation. Stepparents and stepchildren may need counseling to help work through their pain. Ultimately, stepparents must be the ones to model forgiveness and pursue reconciliation, just as Christ has done for us.

A Singles Moment

Solitude

Loneliness can be a gateway to God. For this to be true, we must face our fear of loneliness and learn to move from loneliness to solitude—intentionally embracing being alone and not feel lonely. Solitude is a time of peace and reflection; a time when we can find ourselves and become intimate with God.

In The Life You’ve Always Wanted, John Ortberg writes, “Solitude is the one place where we can gain freedom from the forces of society that will otherwise relentlessly mold us”. Solitude is being alone with a purpose. In order to counter loneliness and move to solitude, we must rethink some of our assumptions about aloneness. One way to do this is to understand God’s solution to our loneliness, namely community (the Body of Christ) and His abiding presence (John 15 and 16). You and I “belong,” and we are part of God’s family. His promise is that He will never leave or forsake us.

What does aloneness mean to you? Does it mean being miserable or free? Do you think, “I am alone because no one cares?” “I am unlovable, undesirable, a social failure, a bad person; no one would ever want to be with me.” Or “I will never be a whole person unless I have a partner.” We attach our own unique meaning.

Aloneness gives way to loneliness if we believe these inner negative messages. Loneliness can overwhelm us and take us down a road of despair and disconnection with God and others. Loneliness can turn into solitude when it is motivated by a desire to know and be known by a God who tells us, “you are never really alone.”

A Single Parent Moment

Simplify Your Life

There are three words that describe a single mom’s life: do, do, do. It seems that life does not stop for a mere second with all that we are responsible for. It is easy to forget what is really important in life; the children that God has blessed us with.

We must learn that the people in our home are more important than the place. It is so easy to get caught up in all the chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and places that we have to go and be at, that we neglect to spend the necessary quality time with our children.

Debbie, a single mom with two children, is a neat freak. From the minute she gets up until she goes to bed, she is "doing" something around the house. She is either vacuuming, wiping counters, sweeping, dusting or cleaning out the car. Now, that is not a bad thing, and God requires excellence in our home. What is wrong is that she puts "doing" around her home above just "being" with the children in her home. We must learn to keep things simple in life to keep our homes calm and peaceful.

-- Lori Little, Hope and Help for the Single Mom

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phone: 520-721-0800 or 1-888-5INSTEP
email: info@instepministries.com

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