Stepping Up

Volume 3 Number 10

Welcome to InStep’s monthly E-Newsletter! Each month we feature practical information for singles, single parents and stepfamilies to help you achieve healthy relationships. This E-newsletter also provides articles and resources to assist those of you who are developing or are involved in a non-traditional family ministry. Please feel free to contact us with feedback, questions or comments via our toll free phone at: 1-888-5INSTEP or email:info@instepministries.com.

Personal Communiqué
Jeff & Judi Parziale

"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." Ps 10:14

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and all of us will know a survivor at one point or another. They are our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends, and our family members. In fact, a local news report this morning stated that domestic violence is a rampant problem in Arizona and local shelters for victims are struggling to keep up. In the year 2000, Arizona ranked second in the nation, in the rate of domestic violence deaths. In 2005, Tucson police responded to more than 9,000 domestic violence calls-13 of them ended in death. Moreover, statistics suggest 6,000 women (and an unknown number of men) in Pima County become victims of domestic violence each year. If you are a victim of domestic violence and need help, please call Debbie at 520-349-4036 or 721-0800. If you want to help someone who is a victim, please plan to attend the Safe Havens workshop and agency fair on October 14th held at Pantano Christian Church. (See details below.)

Note: Debbie is heading up our new Domestic Violence division, focusing on community awareness, education and intervention. She is available for case consultations and training workshops for churches or faith-based organizations. Please contact Debbie at 1-888-5INSTEP or InStepMin@aol.com.

Domestic Violence Awareness Agency Fair
Debbie Harsh-Kightlinger, MSW

Greetings, Friends! As noted, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and there are many opportunities available for you to get involved over the next thirty-one days.

Safe Havens workshop (formerly End the Silence, Stop the Violence!) will be held at Pantano Christian Church on Saturday, October 14th from 9:00 - Noon with an agency fair following the workshop.

Our keynote speaker this year will be Carl Mangold, M.Div., MSW. Carl is a retired pastor who has been involved with counseling domestic violence survivors since 1973. Carl has also worked as a domestic violence intervention specialist with more than 3,000 court ordered male offenders. Carl is a dynamic speaker and you will not want to miss the insights he has to share with us.

The workshop provides education about domestic violence and addresses how faith communities can respond to family violence and work to end relationship violence in their communities. Learn how your church can be a reflection of God's transforming love by promoting healthy, non-violent families in our community. This event is sponsored by InStep Ministries and Pantano Christian Church located at 10355 E. 29th Street, just past the intersection of 29th Street and Houghton Road. We would love to see you there!

A Stepfamily Moment
How To Succeed as a Stepfamily: Ten Success Principles

Success Principle #1: First things first- be sure you are drawing your value and worth from God, not your partner or family.

Success Principle #2: Have a rock-solid commitment to your marriage and family.

Success Principle #3: Put the past in the past- address and heal past emotional and relational issues; develop a working relationship exists with your former spouse.

Success Principle #4: Know what success looks like- understand and embrace the unique dynamics and challenges of stepfamily life.

Success Principle #5: Be flexible and learn to balance the needs of your marriage (your primary relationship) with the needs of your children.

Success Principle #6: Get new lenses- replace negative or unrealistic myths and expectations with positive, realistic ones.

Success Principle #7: Find your niche- develop an effective stepparent role that takes into account all the relationship dynamics of the extended family.

Success Principle #8: Be sensitive to the unique challenges and adjustments facing your children.

Success Principle #9: Build authentic relationships in your family- learn how to trust, communicate and solve problems in a grace-based environment.

Success Principle #10: Get and stay connected- the stepfamily journey is not meant to be taken alone; find some traveling companions.

We will unpack these principles more fully in our next newsletter.

A Personal Moment for Singles and Single Parents
Tough Questions, Part One

Right now in our country, there are millions of one-parent families. Single parents have a tough job; they are most often a "one-man-band" in terms of raising their family. Many have been wounded in past relationships and wounds are hard to work through. Even tougher, are the wounds their children have experienced. When it comes to new relationships, we know that eighty-percent of the time, single parents will seek out a relationship, typically less than two years after their last relationship ended. This period is important to note, because the grieving process is seldom completed before a new relationship begins, especially for children. Unfinished grieving is a key reason why many remarriages, particularly those with children involved, tend to struggle.

Why do adults seek out relationships so soon? The key reasons include loneliness, finances, and needing help with the children. For many single parents, the loss of their relationship was not by choice. Consequently, many long for companionship and partnership. Raising a family alone is difficult; single parents must not only deal with loneliness, but also with financial hardships. Working all day, then coming home to cook, clean and help with homework is exhausting. Bottom line... we know that many single parents are looking for a good relationship. Not that marriage is some sort of cure-all, but surveys seem to indicate that the majority of single parents desire to be married.

How does one choose a good partner? After all, if the last relationship didn't work out, how can we be sure the next one will be any better? One of the best ways we know is to ask a series of tough questions and at the same time, commit to following the direction that these answers indicate. (Stay E-tuned in for Part Two!)

STORIES WANTED!

We are beginning a new project, and we need your help! If you have a stepfamily or single parent ministry that you have started or participate in, we want to learn from you about what worked and/or what did not work. Whether you have used others' or our resources, we are interested in hearing about your experience. Please email your stories or comments to InStepMin@aol.com and label the subject line as "ministry story". We look forward to hearing from you!

Upcoming Events

• Jeff will be starting a new series based on his book, Developing Healthy Relationships, presented in Phoenix (Oct. 7th) and in Tucson (Sept. 16th). Call the InStep office for details.
• Coming soon to Tucson: A training course for pastors, Preparing Couples for Remarriage. Call 520-721-0800 for more information.
• Tucson: October 14th, 9:00 - Noon with agency fair following, Safe Havens Domestic Violence workshop. For more information, call Debbie at 520-349-4036 or 520-721-0800.
• Scottsdale, AZ: Love and Respect Seminar with Dr. Emerson Eggerich. Scottsdale Bible Church, Feb. 23-24, 2007.

Designing a Stepfamily Ministry Workshop

InStep's mission is to impact our culture for Christ by equipping local churches to effectively minister to the singles, single parents and stepfamilies in their congregations and communities. To that end, we have developed a seminar series based on our latest workbook project, Thirsty People Sitting at Wells: Developing a Stepfamily Ministry in Your Local Church. The seminar provides hands-on training in key aspects of ministry development, including team building and training, assessing needs and developing goals. Let us help you develop a ministry focus that fits the passion and mission of your church. To order a workbook or get more information on our seminar, call us toll free at 1-888-5INSTEP.

Get Involved!

• Do something in your local community to reflect the presence of Jesus.
• Join the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM). Get involved in a focus group.
• Mark your calendars. The 2007 AMFM National Conference will be held in Charlotte, North Carolina, June 5th -8th. Judi and I will be speaking and exhibiting. For information, see the AMFM site: www.amfmonline.com.
• Tucson: Stepcouple Life Group: 7:00 PM Friday nights at Pantano Christian Church, Room ED 1. Food and childcare available. Hosted by Ron and Jayne Lowery. For information call: 520-290-1094. This group is open to anyone.
• Tucson: Tucson Association of Evangelicals meeting Thursday, October 12th at Life in Christ Community Church, 103 E. Palmdale; John Benson, Pastor. Call 746-0254. Randy Reynolds will be the featured speaker.
• Tucson: Single Parent Support Group at Casas Church; Tuesday nights at 7pm. For information, call Evelyn Wright: 520-878-1101.
• InStep is looking for stepcouples to serve as mentors. Also, we are forming teams to develop a ministry to children and adolescents in stepfamilies and to develop a ministry to single moms in our surrounding neighborhood. If you are interested, please call us at 520-721-0800.
• Online Forum: Register at www.instepministries.com to participate in our new online forum! Topics include Stepfamilies, Single Adults, Single Parents, and more!

About InStep Ministries

We are a 501c3 faith-based nonprofit organization dedicated to serving singles, single parents and stepfamilies and those who minister to them. Our purpose is to influence our culture for Christ. Our passion is to equip people for life. Our vision is to see every single, single parent or stepfamily member connected to a faith community, where they can build authentic relationships, find healing and be equipped to serve. Our mission is to provide resources, counseling and other services that are practical, Biblical, and affordable. InStep is passionate about serving the local church and the millions of individuals in non-traditional families. To learn more about InStep, visit our website: www.Instepministries.com.

For details and updates on InStep activities,
call 520-721-0800 or send email to: Instepmin@aol.com

To order InStep resources, call 1-888-5INSTEP.

If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward this newsletter to a friend. If you would like to start a support group or stepfamily ministry in your area, please contact us-- we can help!

InStep is a 501(c) (3) nonprofit ministry. Donations are tax-deductible and always welcome. Thank you for your support. Please keep us in your prayers.