Stepping Up

Volume 3 Number 8

Welcome. Each month we feature practical information that you may use in your life and family. Please feel free to contact us with feedback, questions or comments via phone at: 1-888-5INSTEP (toll free) or email: info@instepministries.com.

About InStep Ministries
We are a 501c3 faith-based nonprofit organization dedicated to serving singles, single-parents and stepfamilies and those who minister to them. Our passion is equipping people for life. Our vision is to see every single, single parent or stepfamily member connected to a faith community, where they can build authentic relationships, find healing and be equipped to serve. Our mission is to provide resources and services that are practical, Biblical, and affordable. To learn more about InStep, visit our website: www.instepministries.com.

Personal Moment
Last week we attended the Association for Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM) West Coast Conference in Scottsdale, AZ. Fortunately, the Monsoon rains arrived the second day just in time to cool things down to 99 degrees, a low temperature for this part of the country at the end of July. The conference was awesome.

AMFM conferences are best distinguished by the challenging General Sessions and train-the-trainer workshops that equip God’s people for ministry in their local church. For us, the AMFM conference is a fantastic, fun family reunion. We are especially blessed by the friendships we have established with those involved in Single Parent ministry (Tom and Helen Wheeler, Brenda Armstrong, and Linda Ransom-Jacobs) and Stepfamily ministry (Gordon and Carri Taylor, Moe and Paige Becnel, Don and Kathy Coryell, and Ron Deal). These folks work tirelessly with single parents, stepfamilies, and the children of divorce and remarriage. We admire their courage, persistence and devotion to Christ. We were also blessed to have members of our local stepfamily team, Tom and Teri Ploski, join us at the conference this year.

Jeff with AMFM friends

Our prayer is that God will continue to lead AMFM and bless the Garcias, the AMFM staff, and the servant leaders who provide conference training and exhibits.

What Are the Odds?
The latest distraction our culture has cooked-up is wedding betting. “What used to be whispered among wedding guests is now a topic of worldwide debate thanks to a website where people bet on how long a couple's marriage will last.” Amazingly, this is the opening line from a recent article illuminating us on this new fad. Here’s the reference if you want to read the entire article, WEDDINGBETTING.COM – WANNA BET ON HOW LONG YOUR MARRIAGE WILL LAST? by Misty Harris, CanWest News Service June 27, 2006.

For those who surf the net looking for novelty, there is a new location, weddingbetting.com. Here one can view the wedding announcements of complete strangers, and vote on how long they think the marriage will last. Those who are particularly pessimistic can vote "barely past the altar," while optimists can predict the couples will live "happily ever after." According to the author, thousand have logged on and cast their votes since the site opened earlier this year. To date, the average, couple has been given five years before their predicted split.

The author reports that even celebrity marriages are rated. For example, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (94% chance of divorce), Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman (85% chance of divorce) and, bizarrely, Saddam Hussein (24% chance of divorce).

On a more rational note, Rutgers University has just released its annual State of Our Unions Report. A key finding is that over the past few decades Americans have become less likely to marry, and that the marriage rate continues to decline.

The authors (David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead) note that the decline in marriage does not mean that people are giving up on living together with a sexual partner. On the contrary, with the incidence of unmarried cohabitation increasing rapidly, marriage is giving ground to unwed unions. Most people now live together before they marry for the first time. An even higher percentage of those divorced who subsequently remarry live together first. And a growing number of persons, both young and old, are living together with no plans for eventual marriage. (This is alarming because cohabiting correlates highly with subsequent divorce).

Another key finding is that the divorce rate today has nearly doubled since 1960, but is now declining slightly. This means, that for the average couple marrying for the first time, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains between 40 and 50 percent.

Finally, in a section of the report entitled, “YOUR CHANCES OF DIVORCE MAY BE MUCH LOWER THAN YOU THINK” the authors discuss positive factors that reduce the risk of divorce. The list includes:

• Annual income over $50, 000
• Having a baby seven months or more after marriage
• Marrying when over 25 years of age
• Family of origin intact
• Religious affiliation
• Some college

The authors conclude, “So if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after age twenty five without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are very low indeed.”

What are your odds? Faith and commitment are strong factors in reducing divorce. If you are considering marriage or remarriage, premarital counseling and preparation is a must. For information on premarital resources in your community, contact InStep at 1-888-5INSTEP or InStepMin@aol.com.

Upcoming Events

• Jeff will be continuing his series on Developing Healthy Relationships in Tucson and Phoenix. Call 520-721-0800 for details.
• Jeff will be speaking to the singles at Eastside Assembly in Tucson on Saturday. September 16, 2006 at 7 PM. His topic: Healing Life’s Hidden Hurts.
• Coming this fall, a training course for pastors, Preparing Couples for Remarriage (Tucson, AZ). Call 520-721-0800 for more information.
• Tucson: The annual workshop “End the Silence, Stop the Violence! 2006” will be hosted at Pantano Christian Church this coming October for domestic violence awareness month. Presented by DVEInterFaith, this workshop offers education about domestic violence, and how faith communities can respond to family violence and work to end relationship violence in their communities. Learn how your church can be a reflection of God’s transforming love by promoting healthy, non-violent families in our community. Call Debbie Harsh at 520.349.4036 for information

INTRODUCING: Designing a Stepfamily Ministry Seminar
InStep’s mission is to support and equip local churches to more effectively minister to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. To that end, we have developed a seminar series based on our latest workbook project, Thirsty People Sitting at Wells: Developing a Stepfamily Ministry in Your Local Church. The workbook is designed to systematically take a ministry team through the process of developing a local stepfamily ministry. The seminar provides hands-on training in key aspects of ministry development, including team building and training, assessing needs and developing goals. Let us help you develop a ministry focus that fits the passion and mission of your church. To order a workbook or get more information on our seminar, call us toll free at 1-888-5INSTEP.

RECENT AMFM CONFERENCE ATTENDEES HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT THE BOOK:

“I read Thirsty People Sitting at Wells from cover-to-cover, and thanks to your help, we now have a new blended family community starting this fall!”

Cheryl Hayes, M.Ed.
Christian Life Coach
McLean Bible Church, Vienna, VA

What I am the most impressed about is the step-by-step process you walk people through in developing the ministry. Not only do you provide valuable stepfamily information and resources, but you also equip leaders in program development and subsequent leadership. If you are a first time leader, developing a first program, this workbook will guide through the inception of an idea, developing a team, creating a mission statement, evaluating core values and the eventual implementation of the program. Thirsty People is an excellent book that applies to any area of ministry. Within our Family Life Ministry at Living Word, your continuum of care model has really helped us strategically develop ministry to non-traditional families. It has been a great visual aide that has helped us be more focused and intentional in our ministry. Thank you for being the vessel for the living waters…..so that thirsty people can be quenched and have hope.

Mary Kay Alpaugh
Associate Director of Parenting
Family Life Ministry

Get Involved!

• Do something in your local community to reflect the presence of Jesus.
• Join the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM). Attend a 2007 conference (June, Charlotte, NC; July, Scottsdale, AZ). Website: www.amfmonline.com
• Tucson: Stepcouple Life Group: New format—1st and 3rd Friday nights at Pantano Christian Church. Food and childcare available. Hosted by Ron and Jayne Lowery. For information call: 520-290-1094. This group is open to anyone, and this is the group Judi and I attend.
• Tucson: The kick-off for Tucson Association of Evangelicals new season is on September 8th at Victory Assembly of God. Associate Pastor, Lisa Chastain will be speaking. This year’s theme is Salt and Light. Mark your calendar.
• Tucson: Single Parent Support Group at Casas Church; Tuesday nights at 7 PM. Call Evelyn Wright: 520-878-1101.
• Online: register at www.instepministries.com to participate in our new online forum! Topics include Stepfamilies, Single Adults, Single Parents, and more!

For details and updates on InStep activities,
call 520-721-0800 or email us: InStepmin@aol.com

To order InStep resources, call 1-888-5INSTEP

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell a friend. If you would like to start a support group or stepfamily ministry in your area, please contact us-we can help.

InStep is a 501(c) (3) nonprofit ministry. Donations are tax-deductible and always welcome. Thank you for your support. Please keep us in your prayers.