InStep Ministries Newsletter

Stepping Up	July, 2007 Volume IV #7 Step Couples Intensive Jeff and Judi will be leading several weekend intensives this fall at a local bed- and-breakfast location. The weekend retreat begins Friday evening and continues all-day SaturdayCall 1-888-5INSTEP for details. Call 1-888-5InStep for details Online Forum Topics include: Stepfamilies, Single Adults, Single Parents, and more! Register Now at instepministries.com Developing Healthy Relationships Tucson and Phoenix area; coming this fall, locations TBA. Workshops will focus on understanding the impact of divorce and remarriage on children. Developing Healthy Relationships Jeff and Judi continue to teach this seminar based on the InStep book, Developing Healthy Relationships. We are looking for new venues in Tucson and Phoenix to teach this seminar. Call 1-888-5INSTEP for more information. Ministering to Today’ Families We provide hands-on training in key aspects of ministry development, including team building, needs assessment, goal setting and program development and evaluation. Workshop costs are by donation. For more information, call us toll free at 1-888-5INSTEP. Fund-Raising Campaign Please prayerfully consider becoming involved in reaching non-traditional families for Christ. (Your donations to InStep Ministries are tax deductible.) Prayer requests: Please pray for the leadership of AMFM and the upcoming June conference. Pray that God will provide InStep with ministry partners and volunteers. We ask that you also lift up our capital fund campaign, the InStep Board, as well as Jeff and Judi.
Welcome to InStep’s monthly E-Newsletter! Each month we feature practical information for singles, single parents and stepfamilies to help you achieve healthy, authentic relationships. This E-newsletter also provides articles and resources to assist those who are developing or are involved in a non-traditional family ministry. If this newsletter is helpful to you, please let us know. Contact us with feedback, questions or comments toll free at: 1-888-5INSTEP or email: InStepMin@aol.com. Have a safe time celebrating our freedom on the 4th of July! Continue to pray for our troops.
Personal Communiqué - Jeff & Judi Parziale
“Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives?” -- Henri Nouwen We are often asked, “How did you get through those really tough years?” Our answer is the faithfulness of God. He helped us thrive, not just survive. Along the way, we discovered some “obvious” truths: You have to admit you are broken and wounded, and then allow God to use you in spite of your brokenness. You have to muster the courage to voice your brokenness and not be ashamed. No matter what you feel, brokenness doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. He was with us every step of the way—even when we were far off the path. The stepfamily process is really about Jesus. It’s about His faithfulness and his unfailing love and devotion. He had bigger ideas than our weaknesses could comprehend. We learned a great deal about God’s grace and about how to extend it to each other. A little grace goes a long way in bridging relational gaps. We learned to embrace gratitude to God and to forgive ourselves and each other. Bitterness breeds ungratefulness. Forgiveness is the response of a heart that knows gratitude. We had to humble ourselves before God in repentance and obedience. If you are too proud, God will humble you—it’s called humiliation. We got connected. You can’t make it without authentic relationships. The more we struggled, the less willing we were to talk with others about our problems. Most stepcouples go it alone because they are ashamed and believe they will be rejected. Finally, you have to commit. We embraced each other at the point of our brokenness and committed to journey together.
The Single Parent Corner
Hello! My name is Jaime Trudel and I have been a single parent for about 10 years. My two beautiful children are a blessing and a joy to have in my life. Time demands for single parents are intense, making it easy to miss the daily blessings that our children have to offer. Please join me as we Take Five to learn about fun ways to enjoy our greatest blessings. "Take Five" This month we want to introduce an idea that will put a smile on your face as well as your child’s. Have a Tea Party! What better way is there to end a long day at work than with your child. Jump into the wonderful world of imagination that you and your child can share. Invite Ms. Teddy Bear and don’t forget to dress up. Take some pictures for the scrapbook or office space. Laugh, smile, and just be a kid. Sometime, let your child plan the menu and host the party; it may just be the best party you’ve been to in a long time. Please send your “Take Five” stories (and pictures) to Jaime at: InStepMin@aol.com and be sure to write “Take Five” in the subject line. NEW Single Parent Resource! Our good friend Brenda Armstrong has just completed a new book entitled Financial Relief for Single Parents. This is a very practical book and a must read for single parents. It is published by Moody. Brenda is the President of Mercy Tree Ministries.
Healing Life’s Hidden Hurts (Part One)
At some point in our lives, each one of us struggles with wounds from hurtful relationships. The first step to healing is finding the wounds, and sometimes, finding them hurts. Jeff VanVonderen *Emotional woundedness* is a term used to describe the deep cuts in our soul that cause spiritual and emotional pain. How do we “find” or identify the hidden hurts so that we can move toward healing and freedom in Christ? First, learn to recognize the common forms of emotional woundedness, which include: Shame: feeling flawed, defective, unlovable, worthless Fear: abandonment, failure, rejection Trust: too much or too little Denial: fantasies, delusions, numbness Alienation: difficulty bonding, loving or committing There are several internal clues which can indicate areas of woundedness, including: How we relate to others. The following thoughts and actions characterize woundedness: No personal boundaries Incredible radar Feel you don’t belong Difficulty trusting others Fear being deserted or abandoned Having a “shame-based” identity. Performance conscious Unaware of feelings Worth based on externals High level of anxiety Woundedness Tired Shame grid that filters all experiences What characterizes a shame-grid? Negative self-talk Don’t allow self to make (or admit) mistakes Overresponsible • Martyr/victim role Don’t trust your radar Inappropriate boundaries Using “coded” communication High levels of stress (symptoms/illness) Unable to have guilt-free fun Don’t do gifts well (give or receive) Sabotage own success Procrastinate High need for control Maintaining a distorted view of God; we may view God as: Angry Disappointed Disapproving Demanding Childhood Roles (or responses to woundedness) Responsible child: In the midst of chaos, I'll work hard so people will love me. Acting-out child: In the midst of chaos, I'll become the problem so people will notice me (or not notice the dysfunction). The Adjuster: In the midst of chaos, I'll tune people out so they won't bother me. The Placator: In the midst of chaos, I'll make people feel better so they'll love me. In our next newsletter, we will discuss a few other clues to woundedness and how we can heal from life’s hurts.
What’s New at Instep?
Coming Soon! Certification in Single Parent and Stepfamily Ministry We recently presented at the AMFM conference a Certification Course in Single-Parent/Stepfamily Ministry. Beginning this fall, the course will be available in DVD format. The course examines the characteristics of single parents and stepfamilies as well as key aspects of ministry development including team building, needs assessment, goal setting, program development and evaluation. For more information, call us toll free at 1-888-5INSTEP. Single Parent and Stepfamily Ministry Network One of our new strategic goals at InStep is to serve local stepfamily and single-parent family ministries throughout the US by providing encouragement and awareness. InStep has therefore begun the process of identifying and collecting information on ministries all over the country. If you participate or know of a local ministry in your “neck of the woods” that would benefit from participating in this network, please email us the contact information. Stepcouple Intensives Jeff and Judi are currently scheduling several weekend intensives this fall at local (Tucson and Phoenix-metro) bed and breakfasts. The format will be Friday evening and all-day Saturday and will be limited to six couples per weekend. If you are looking to strengthen your relationship and understand the challenges of marriage in a stepfamily, then plan a weekend with us. Call 1-888-5INSTEP for details. Seminars and Workshops At conferences, we are often asked, “Are you available to teach at our church?” The answer is, YES! We are available to teach on all topics represented in our books, and Jeff is available for preaching engagements. To book your next workshop, call 1-88-5INSTEP. Developing Healthy Relationships One of our favorite workshops to teach is Developing Healthy Relationships. We believe this is an essential topic for single adults and single parents. You simply cannot be in healthy relationships if you are not spiritually and emotionally healthy. The ongoing workshop is presented each month at the Equally Yoked offices in Tucson and Phoenix. Call 520-721-0800 or email us for details. We Need Your Ministry Stories! If you have a stepfamily or single parent ministry that you have started or participate in, we want to learn about what worked and/or did not work for you. Whether you have used others’ or our resources, we are interested in hearing about your experience. Please email your stories or comments to InStepMin@aol.com and label the subject line as “*Ministry Story”. We look forward to hearing from you! Fund-Raising Campaign* We are excited about several new ministry projects in the line-up for 2007-8, including: coaching lay ministry leaders, training support group leaders, parenting training and support for single parents; a care program for children in single parent and stepfamily homes; and a mentoring training program. We have talked with a media company about creating video modules for several of our resources. However, we cannot do these projects without your help. Please prayerfully consider becoming involved in reaching non-traditional families for Christ. (Your donations to InStep Ministries are tax deductible.) Thank you to those who have already pledged and/or given.
About Instep Ministries
We are a 501c3 faith-based nonprofit organization dedicated to serving singles, single parents and stepfamilies and those who minister to them. Our purpose is to influence our culture for Christ. Our passion is to equip people for life. Our vision is to see every single, single parent or stepfamily member connected to a faith community, where they can build authentic relationships, find healing and be equipped to serve. Our mission is to provide resources, counseling and other services that are practical, Biblical, and affordable. InStep is passionate about serving the local church and the millions of individuals in non-traditional families. To learn more about InStep, visit our website: www.Instepministries.com. For details, updates or resources call, toll free, 1-888-5INSTEP. We will answer your questions; just email us: Instepmin@aol.com If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward this newsletter to a friend. If you would like to start a support group or stepfamily ministry in your area, please contact us-- we can help! InStep is a 501(c) (3) nonprofit ministry. Donations are tax-deductible and always welcome. Thank you for your support. Please keep us in your prayers.