Five Myths About Emotional Wounds (Part Two)
An ancient principle reminds us to look for Salvation in the darkest, most painful parts of our lives. We emerge into the light not by denying our pain, but by walking through it. The common turn of phrase we apply to this wonderful action of grace is: "That was a blessing in disguise.
~ Jaon Borysenko--Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the lesson ~
Our last newsletter examined five misbeliefs about our emotional and spiritual woundedness.
1. MY LIFE MUST BE ORGANIZED AROUND MY WOUND.
2. WITHOUT MY WOUND, I'D BE ALL ALONE.
3. MY AWFUL AND PAINFUL LIFE MEANS THAT I AM SICK.
4. ALL EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS ARE THE RESULT OF TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES.
5. AT THIS POINT IN LIFE, I AM HELD PRISONER BY MY WOUNDS.
Life wounds all of us, but we don’t have to become our wounds or let them define us. Galatians 5:13 reminds us that we have been called to live in freedom. What steps can we take to “walk through” our wounds toward freedom in Christ?
At some point in our lives, each one of us struggles with wounds from hurtful relationships. The first step to healing is finding the wounds, and sometimes, finding them hurts.
~ Jeff VanVonderen ~
We can truly discover that God heals and blesses broken people.
1. We need to admit that we have been hurt and that we need healing.
2. We must want healing enough to be willing to face our pain rather than deny or medicate it. Jesus still asks, "Do you want to be whole?” Facing our pain is seldom easy. Most of us have built excellent defenses to hide our pain, even from ourselves.
3. We must find safe places to share with others our secrets and our stories of hurt, fear and anger. We are as sick as our secrets.
4. When necessary and appropriate, we must make amends to those we have harmed.
5. We need to forgive all who have harmed us. There is no freedom without forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process of owning our hurts and extending grace to those who have hurt us. Unforgiveness is poison to our soul.
6. We must confess our sins and faults to God and ask for and receive his forgiveness. God loves to forgive and restore. He wants us to experience His peace.
7. We need to forgive ourselves. This means letting go of the past—something we hold onto to so tightly-and embracing God’s future for us.
8. Develop a healthy support network. We can never get truly healthy unless we “do life” with others. We need others to encourage us and hold us accountable. Our faith grows best in community.
9. We need to be present with God. We do this through prayer, reading His word and fellowshipping with others. God speaks words of life; we must be listening.
You are not your wounds; you belong to the Great Healer.
Five Keys to Remarriage Success
2. Be healthy
3. Be patient and flexible
4. Be realistic
5. Be connected
Be Prepared
Draw your value from God. God, not a partner, must be the source of your worth and value. Then we can love out of our fullness in Christ—a love that can give without fear or control.
Develop healthy life skills. Work on skills such as communication, listening and problem solving.
Understand the stepparent role. The inability of a new couple to resolve the parent-child-stepparent triangle is the number one cause of remarriage failure.
Be healthy
Work through your emotional/spiritual wounds. Let go of the negative emotions that keep you from giving and receiving love.
Work through unresolved issues from past. Most of us have been wounded by life and by past relationships.
Allow yourself (and your children) to grieve. Give yourself (and your children) permission to talk about losses; take as much time as you need.
Be Patient and Flexible
Be aware of your limitations and your ability to handle remarriage challenges.
Understand the stepfamily process. It takes four to seven years for a new stepfamily to stabilize.
Be Realistic
Be sure expectations are realistic. Most remarrying couples have expectations for their new marriage that are not consistent with the realities stepfamily life.
Be aware of misbeliefs. The most common are “instant love” or instant family.” Most remarrying couples attempt to re-create the nuclear family.
Be Connected
Develop and maintain a healthy support network. We really do need each other. Develop network of family and friends who can pray with you, and provide guidance, encouragement and accountability.
Be involved in ministry. The goal of family is not just to be healthy, but to impact our culture for Christ.
