Marriage Breakdown Costs Taxpayers
In a recently released report (April 15th, 2008), ground-breaking research by the Institute of American Values and others reveals just how much divorce and unwed childbearing cost you and I as taxpayers—a staggering $112 billion per year; well over one-trillion dollars in the last ten years. And these are just the financial costs; there are emotional and social costs too.
The report, entitled, The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing, paints a bleak picture of the social, emotional and financial costs attributed to the changes in marriage and family life over the last several decades.
In the past forty years, unprecedented changes have occurred. Marriage has become less common and more fragile, and the number of children living with two married parents has dropped from 85% to 68%. The number of single parent homes has risen dramatically; nearly 80% of children living with one parent live with a single mother. Today, over one-third of U.S. children are born out of wedlock. While marriage rates drop, divorce rates remain high.
The social and emotional cost of these changes is well-documented: increases in poverty, mental illness, infant mortality, physical illness, delinquency and adult criminal behavior, and early unwed parenthood. There are key decreases as well: school performance, future relationship success and overall well-being.
The report suggests that marriage can be a viable solution to the poverty and social challenges of single parents and their children. In fact, the authors posit that if the majority of single parents were to marry, most of these costs would be eliminated. Interestingly, for the past several years, the federal government has been funding projects to enrich marriages and to encourage low income parents, particularly those cohabitating, to marry.
What can you do? First, if you are married, stay married. We have written previously about the benefits of marriage. Waite and Gallagher in The Case for Marriage do an admirable job of high-lighting those benefits. More importantly, by staying together and building a great marriage, you will be creating a legacy for your children.
Second, if your marriage is struggling, get some help. Most marital problems are solvable and, research shows that five years later, over 75% of divorced individuals wish they had tried harder to stay together.
Finally, if you are single, whether divorced, widowed or never married, do not let your fear of a failed marriage keep you from a healthy relationship. We know so much more about how to choose healthy partners than we did even a few years ago.
Above all else, stay informed; future generations are depending on us.
To read the report in full, go the Institute for American Values website: www.americanvalues.org
Grammas’ Wisdom
The ideas for these posts sprang from the question, "What do wives wish good husbands knew?" This post was written by Granny Sykes, who is a newspaper columnist and author of the book, Operations and Maintenance Manual of Female Homosapiens.
Bad news, guys. The top things a woman wants from a man are all emotional things. Women want to feel cherished, secure, romanced and connected. The good news is I stopped at four. And even better news... I can decode the amorphous feelings into actions you can actually deliver. So, here goes.
CHERISHED. Your wife wants to be the reason you get up and slay dragons. Tell her that! Rave to others about how she inspires you to be a better man. (Compliments are more potent in front of others.)
Find a physical attribute that is germane to only her (which weight and age won’t ruin) that sends you over the moon. It might be her dimples, her belly button, her pouty lower lip, the widow’s peak in her hairline, the shape of her fingernails. All other women should be lesser in comparison to her.
Even when caught noticing a younger, prettier woman, she is to remind you of your wife. No matter what she is wearing or doing inspires you to apply it to your wife. You might say, “Gee, honey, you would look good in that dress.” or “She really makes cooks a great steak, but, honey, you are the master”.
SECURE. Don’t let your wife live in fear. Never, ever threaten to divorce her. Don’t bully her, shame her, hit her, or curse at her.
Live within your budget. Then she can relax and help you reach your dreams. Husbands don’t like it when wives gain weight. Wives don’t like when it husbands have bill collectors calling day and night.
Be a soft place to fall for your wife’s troubles. She needs to know you are in her corner, not her boss or colleague’s. Take her side even when she is wrong, which only means you say her point of view is valid. When you first acknowledge her point of view is valid, she can then be reasonable and listen to other solutions that might work better.
ROMANCED. Translation: jewelry, flowers, exotic vacations, handmade gifts, love notes, long walks together, back rubs, candlelight dinners. Keep courting her like you did when you were dating. You got married thinking life would be a constant source of sex? She got married thinking life would be a constant flow of romance. There’s a payoff! Romance from you equals sex from her.
CONNECTED. Give her your undivided attention at least one hour a day. Touch her often (groping, fondling, and grabbing don’t count).
You know how she always tells you her problems but doesn’t let you fix them? Well, she does need her action-adventure husband to fix one thing for her. You can do that by simply saying, “I’m sorry that happened to you.” That line says you felt her pain. Then hug her. She was on tilt and the hug puts her upright again. Now she is empowered to go fix her problems. See? You can fix her feelings.
Finally, she doesn’t want you to be faithful just because you are virtuous. When caught looking at a pretty woman, say instead, “Sex with her would be empty. Only you make my heart glow.”
