Research Update
Below is a summary of George Barna’s research on parenting and child development. He offered these findings in the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy.
- By the time a child is 23 years old, he or she will have seen countless murders among the more than 30,000 acts of violence via television, movies and video games.
- One-third of the nation’s teenagers report having been in a physical fight at least once in the last year. Nearly one out of every five students in 9th through 12th grade has carried a gun, knife or club in the past month.
- Few parents, though, are aware of the dramatic effect the media have upon people’s behavior and values. Just 9% of parents believe that the media are the most significant influence on their children’s lives, and only one out of every three parents of kids under 13 impose any significant restrictions or limitations on how much or what type of media their children are exposed to.
- By the age of 23, the average American will have viewed thousands of hours of pornographic images, which diminish the dignity and value of human life.
- After nearly a quarter-century on earth, the typical American will have listened to hundreds of hours of music that fosters anger, hatred, disrespect for authority, selfishness, and radical independence.
- The typical worldview of a person in their early twenties promotes self-centeredness, the right to happiness and fulfillment, the importance of personal expression in all forms, the necessity of tolerating aberrant or immoral points of views, allows for disrespect of other people and use of profanity, and advances forms of generic spirituality that dismiss the validity of the Judeo-Christian faith. Largely propelled by postmodern thought, the typical worldview of young people does not facilitate respect for life, acceptance of the rule of law, or the necessity of hard work, personal sacrifice, paying the dues or contributing to the common good. Barna noted that only about 2% of today’s teenagers possess a biblical worldview that acknowledges the existence of God, Satan and sin, the availability of forgiveness and grace through Jesus Christ, and the existence of absolute moral principles provided in the Bible.
- The average adolescent spends more than 40 hours each week digesting media, and the typical teenager in America absorbs almost 60 hours of media content each week. For better or worse, the messages received from the media represent a series of unfiltered, unchaperoned worldview lessons.
- It appears that as many as one out of every five young people is or has been under the influence of mood-altering medications, some of whose long-term side effects are not fully understood by the medical community. Drugging children has become one of the ways in which we have coped with other issues.
- Stress levels have been steadily rising among young children over the past couple of decades. A variety of factors have contributed to such stress, including parental acrimony and divorce, household financial troubles, media-fed expectations regarding materialism, over scheduling of children, bullying, physical abuse within the home, and excessive peer pressure.
- Education, both in the home and outside of it, provides diminishing emphasis upon the development of character, and increasing emphasis upon meeting academic performance standards, especially through standardized testing.
- Growing numbers of children seek to make their way through an increasingly complex life without the traditional safety net comprised of a loving and supportive family, a stable circle of supportive peers, teachers who know and help nurture the child, and a community of faith that assists in giving meaning to life and a sense of belonging.
- Most young people admit that they feel as if they do not receive sufficient attention from their parents; do not have enough good friends whom they can count on; are unsettled about their own future; have personal spiritual perspectives but not much of a sense of spiritual community; lack role models; and do not feel that they have intrinsic value.
Barna concludes, "Parents have a huge influence on who their children grow up to become. Although parents cannot guarantee that their kids will behave in specific ways, their parenting style and practices can hugely influence the likelihood of certain behaviors and perspectives."
Parents Are Struggling
Raising healthy and confident children in today’s world is not an easy task. Citing recent studies his firm had completed with parents, Barna highlighted some of the struggles that American parents are currently facing.
- A majority of parents feel overly busy, stressed out or are buckling under the pressure of mounting financial debt.
- Most adults are dissatisfied with their job, even though it consumes a majority of their waking hours.
- American parents tend to blame other parents for the problems evident among today’s young people while excusing themselves from any blame. A large share of parents, however, do express worry about the future that their children will inherit and how prepared their children are to deal with the challenges of that future.
- Fewer than one out of every ten families have parents who pray together, study the Bible together and lead the family in regular explorations of their faith.
- The standards that parents have established for evaluating their own performance as a parent are innocuous. If their children have avoided publicly recognized problems - such as physical or substance abuse, gang involvement, satanic activity, pregnancy, or physical aggression - and continue to get passing grades in school and stay relatively healthy, the parents believe they are doing an acceptable job.
- Few parents are aware of the dramatic effect the media have upon people’s behavior and values. Just 9% of parents believe that the media are the most significant influence on their children’s lives, and only one out of every three parents of kids under 13 impose any significant restrictions or limitations on how much or what type of media their children are exposed to. Shockingly few parents have discussions with their children about the content of the media they have digested.
Children of Divorce
(and Alec Baldwin)
The tragic circumstances surrounding the phone message Alec Baldwin left his 11-year-old daughter underscores a key issue for children of divorce; often they must try to bridge the gaps between adversarial parents. Respondents have commented that Baldwin, after years of doing battle in court, should have better control over his emotions and healthier ways of dealing with post-divorce frustrations. He should know by now that there are things a parent should not expose a child to, such as verbal abuse. He should not, under any circumstances, take his negative feelings toward his former spouse out on his daughter. He should have put his child's needs before his own needs. Regardless of how hurt or angry he was over his child not answering the phone, he should have known that his daughter was wrong person to take it out on. That’s a lot of “shoulds.”
Baldwin claims that his former spouse, Kim Basinger, is using “parental alienation” by saying bad things about him to their daughter. I imagine Basinger feels her former spouse is an angry, abusive person. If experience is any judge, both are probably right to some extent. Almost daily at InStep, we talk to children of divorce who try to love both parents even though they must listen to a litany of reasons why the other parent is “bad.” The stress on these kids is immense. These children are growing up with little faith in marriage or relationships. Many feel abandoned, not only by warring parents, but by the church. If you want to know more about children of divorce and/or remarriage, please see InStep’s workbook, Through a Child’s Eyes.
If you are a divorced parent, become aware of what you say and how you say it when you talk to your children. Never put down your former spouse because, ultimately, this hurts your child. Use intentional language to build authentic relationships. Research indicates that children who adjust the best following a divorce are those whose parents get along. Learn to communicate with your former spouse in a respectful and considerate manner, regardless of whether he/she deserves it. Your child’s well-being depends on it.
What can you do to help children of divorce?
Get involved in the life of children in single-parent homes. Adopt a single-parent family and include them in holiday and family celebrations. Start a DivorceCare for Kids™ program in your church (see www.DC4K.org). Become a mentor to a child in your community by getting involved with youth mentoring organizations such as One-On One or Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Be sensitive to the divorced children you encounter who live in single-parent homes or stepfamilies. Children of all ages who experience divorce need a trustworthy adult to talk with about “life”.